Pg 19: LET ME TELL YOU A LITTLE ABOUT WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE LOVED BY SHAMAL KHAN...(SPIDEY COBWEBSUN)

First of all, I have written a LOT 
about my husband

 so...
I will try to not be TOO redundant, 
but to perhaps elaborate a bit so you can 
see our love and US... 

from a slightly different perspective.

I do this for all of you who may be 
experiencing what we are, or have, 
or maybe are about to. 

I want to be able to inspire, to encourage, 
and to let you know you are not alone 
in what you are going through.

Whether you are newlyweds or simply new 
in a relationship, or maybe just finding 
yourself suddenly involved with a 
real deep dude. THIS is for you.

I hope you get out of my sharing 
what you need.

______________________________________________________

SHAMAL KHAN (SPIDEY COBWEBSUN) 
is a Pakistani with Afghan roots, 
who is Pashto Arab and Muslim.

That is the stats part.

He is VERY bright, 
VERY VERY talented, inquisitive, 
hard-working, funny, 
and INTENSE. 

GOD is that boy intense. 

Passionate to his adorable toesies 
and EXCEPT for 
the Pakistani Arab Muslim thingy...
JUST LIKE ME. YEP. 

We are two peas 
in the same pod so to speak. We like 
the same foods, clothes, cars, pets, hobbies. 
We both write. Compose music. 
We both are a bit wacky in the 
humor department, and we both coincide 
and complement each other perfectly.

He is also MORE than a bit 
in love with me, and I him...
and THAT is 
where I will start this.

HANG ON. MAY BE A BIT OF A BUMPY RIDE. LOL. 
Sure has been for me so far.

________________________________________________________________________________

SHAMAL AND I have been close but 
casual friends since early in 2009. 

I have written a lot about that, of course, 
but what I want to emphasize HERE is...

WE WERE FRIENDS. 

NOTHING MORE. FRIENDS...

OR SO I THOUGHT. 

See, he had decided several years ago 
that he was in love with me but never 
said anything. I was content with the 
friends bit and of course had NO clue 
he had feelings for me other than 
as a friend/mentor.

Now, fast forward to July 2013. 

He came to me one night in FB 
and got me into chat where fairly quickly 
he volunteered THIS little slab 
of OMG.

"Dusty, I LOVE being with you. 

You make my heart sing 
and my feet dance."

Suddenly I heard...

WHOA.

And of course I responded with 
GREAT intelligence and wit.

Actually more like stunned disbelief. 
LOL.

"WHAT?"

• (Disbelief from the audience and many people 
• were in tears) HAHA.

Then a few minutes later.

"Dusty, DEATH is the ONLY thing that will EVER be able to take you away from me."

WHOOOOOOOOOOOA...
and again I was the 
ABSOLUTE EPITOMY
OF TOGETHER AND
CLEVER REPARTEE.

"WHAT?"
(Hey, least I am consistent.)

I sat and then I realized the tears
 were trickling down my face which
 of course made me seem
EVEN MORE
together, mature, and GOOFY.

I can fill in for Mickey's friend ANYTIME.
DUH.

OK!

THAT is where what has happened since... 

all started. That night. Our relationship

changed dramatically, because he had 

decided he wanted and needed to tell me

how he felt IN HIS HEART for me.

NOTHING has been the same since.

IT NEVER IS 

WHEN LOVE IS UNLEASHED.

His love for me was declared that night.

Mine would be but later on.

THIS is what is important here. 

Shamal had NO REASON to say 

what he did EXCEPT he meant it...

from his heart...and I could FEEL it as well as hear the passion and love in his voice.

At that point, this was the first I knew 

of his feelings, and God knows any talk 

of him coming here or the whole 

immigration thingy

was some time away. 

It had never come up and why 

at that point would it have?

No reason at all.

MOREOVER, HE HAS CONTINUED 

TO SAY AND DO THINGS LIKE THAT 

EVER SINCE.

THIS is what Shamal Khan is like.

He is THE MOST LOVING DUDE

I HAVE EVER MET.

I have had 3 relationships before him, 

not counting Mustafa Kazemi,

who I met about 2 1/2 years after first 

meeting Shamal...and no. I never thought about a conflict since I had no love feelings for Shamal at this point and didn't know he did 

for me.

He suffered silently for two years.

Now, let me tell you. I have been loved. 

Hell I have been MORE than loved and 

while I feel I NEVER have a clue WHY, 

the simple truth is that is the way it is. 

I GET HIT ON.

A LOT.

In fact, I got really

 PROFOUNDLY 

hit upon...

TONIGHT, in Wal-mart. 

LOL. OH YES I DID. (giggle).

I kid you not and it actually made me have

to do some serious stifling cause the dude 

was practically coming out of his jeans.

so to speaky.

LOL. I had to turn away finally...

AND GET THIS!

THE DUDE HAD A YOUNG WOMAN WITH A YOUNG CHILD WITH HIM WHOM I COULD ONLY ASSUME WAS HIS WIFE AND KID.

AND HERE THIS DOOFUS IS TRIPPING ALL OVER HIMSELF CRUISING MOI.

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

How I kept from totally losing it I will never know. DAMN I am good.

BUT THE TRUTH IS...

This crap ALWAYS  makes me 

uncomfortable and very nervous. 

I feel awkward, and 

I NEVER UNDERSTAND WHY 

when someone hits on me. Why do they?

I sure as hell have no clue why it happens 

and it does...all the time.

I am not vain AT ALL. Yes lot of people here

I guess know me or at least know who

 my family is. 

Yes, I get hit on constantly. 

Offline. Online.

I am not being conceited. It happens.

Some will say I am really good looking.

How can I take any credit for that?

My parents were BOTH...REALLY good looking people. But...

I am nothing special far as I am concerned. 

But of course it is also the S.A.D. thing too.

Too, I was robbed at birth of self-confidence 

by not only this S.A.D. shit but my dad then finished the job. He always made me feel inferior, and pretty worthless...

EVEN THOUGH I was a champion speller, excelled at languages, was VERY successfully involved in music, a writer, etc. 

Because I am a klutz and he was not, 

he made me feel like shit all the time 

cause I couldn't do stuff he could...

and it was not until I was in college before 

I finally realized. HEY. I can do shit 

YOU CAN'T, fuckhead. 

BUT the damage was done.

THUS, I NEVER pursue anyone else 

and never have. I'm just not capable of it. Anyone who knows me at ALL 

knows that and there are dudes on FB 

who can attest to that. Hee. They have tried 

to get me and failed miserably. 

Not their fault of course. I push away.

I get scared or decide love ain't worth the potential hurt, or whatever.

I feel awkward even when I am pursued. 

Not in ANYONE'S WILDEST DREAMS 

would I have ever gone after Shamal. 

I'm JUST NOT capable of being the aggressor 

and anyone who knows me at all will attest 

to that. 

He came after me from the gitgo. Always, 

and good thing too, cause if he had waited 

for me he would have been waiting a 

very very long time. 

Too old to care, trust me.

Ok, so he was sweet and loving and...

GENUINE. GENUINELY in love with me. 

Not me him though and that took awhile.

HE WORKED HIS ASS OFF to get me 

to fall for him. OH YES HE DID, and he 

made me feel SO loved in the process.

I still choke up just remembering 

and thinking about it.

See, all through the last few months, 

he has 

OVER AND OVER AND OVER 

not just said he loved me 

but  SHOWN me that he did. 

HE HAS PROVED it...and it has always reduced me to a quivering mess of tears, 

and roiled emotions, and I have wound up 

just loving him more and more, this dude 

I didn't love not that long ago and 

couldn't imagine I EVER WOULD 

but NOW can't imagine

living without.

But he made sure I would. 

Shamal pursued me RELENTLESSLY,

hahahahaha. OH YES HE DID...

and eventually he wore me out and that is the God's honest truth. 

"DUDE, YOU AIN'T GONNA TAKE 

NO FOR AN ANSWER ARE YAH," 

and he replied "NOPE."

and that as they say was that.

ALL the while he was a'worky on me 

so to speak, he just made me aware 

I had NEVER been loved like this.

Pursued like this. 

Dealt with a dude THIS PASSIONATE.

It blew me away. 

Still does.

Then the bit about getting married.

MAN! 

That REALLY fried my eggs 

so to speak...

and I DO think that the reason 

he got SO excited and wanted to 

so bad was that evidently he had 

insecurities about me

being faithful to him.

NOT TO WORRY, but...

He had already made me promise him 

a couple of times I would be faithful. 

I MEAN, he made me PROMISE, 

which was in and of itself sweet and loving. 

He promised me too.

So let me ask you something. 

If he didn't love me, 

why in HELL would he care 

if I was faithful. HUH?

YEH. Of course. 

The truth is he did and I could hear it 

in his VOICE...and does and wants me 

all to himself. NOTHING ELSE explains it. That had NOTHING WHATSOEVER

  to do with immigration or anything else. THAT is his HEART talking and doing.

But although at the time I didn't realize it, evidently he still felt uneasy. 

He OBVIOUSLY just really wanted to be sure of my being faithful. YEHHHH.

Cause when he got all excited at the very prospect that we could get married NOW,

 and not wait...whoa. LOL.

NOW? 

YEH YEH.

REALLY?

YEH YEH...

I LOVE YOU, I  wanna BE with you. I don't wanna have to wait to be with you.

 I LOVE YOU, so why wouldn't I?

UH. LOL

So we did and of course that 

'forsaking all others'

is IN the vows we took at our wedding.

But he asked me again a few days later

to promise I would be faithful.

Hmmm

DUH DUDE.

I LOVE YOU TOO. and disloyalty and unfaithfulness are NOT

in my vocabulary. OKAY?

I LOVE YOU? THAT'S IT, DUDE.

I shit you not.

 But, he just had to be sure I guess.

AGAIN, it was sweet, and loving and cute.

That is my Shamal.

OVER AND OVER AND OVER,

he has done stuff like that to say 

without question that

he loves me and passionately so.

That is SOOO kewl.

IT IS!

and it is what I love about him 

and what I live for.

His love warms me

makes me FEEL like maybe I DO 

deserve to BE loved.

NOBODY has EVER made me feel that way

before. NOBODY. EVER. UNTIL HIM, 

UNTIL NOW.

It is breathtaking.

HE IS breathtaking.

NOT his looks or his hot hunkus self.

HE IS.

THE PERSON SHAMAL IS IN HIS HEART

just fucking blows me away

cause HE is SO loving and 

makes me feel so much more than I 

ever felt before.

I am telling you.

If you have or if you

 EVER FIND YOURSELF

with a dude like Shamal,

FOR GOD'S SAKE

GRAB HIM AND DO NOT EVER LET GO

Dudes like him, so intense, and passionate, and loving are RARE.

I am the same way, and to think in this big old world we found each other?

I have said what is the likelihood that

this scrawny twit from Michigan and him from Pakistan would FIND EACH OTHER?

He is more settled. Yep. He just says 

WE ARE MEANT, and that's that. LOL.

Maybe it is the Islam thing?

I don't know. Funny that.

Yes, the internet helps, but it is still amazing.

Miraculous.

That's him. 

He is my Magic.

I am the rabbit. He is the hat.

Find a dude like Shamal, 

HANG ON TIGHT BABY. 

You are in for a ride.

TOO many if not most dudes today

 are FLAKES.

 ABSOLUTE STONE

FLAKES.

JUST ADD CREAM AND SUGAR.

BANANA INCLUDED. LOL.

Here today YAWN tomorrow and then POOF.

They make promises they have NO intention

 of keeping, they view you the same as a styrofoam cup. DISPOSABLE.

They don't take relationships seriously, ESPECIALLY online.

But offline too.

SO, if and when you find your own Shamal,

MY GOD...GO FOR IT.

It will never get any better than this.

This does seem to be a family thing 

with him, though.

His brothers all seem the same too. 

Good dudes. Honest, good, decent, 

and not only that but caring. 

I LOVE SHAAMY'S BROTHERS.

Really kewl they are.

I got lucky, but you can too.

If you haven't already.

Just BE the right life partner 

and you will FIND the right life partner.

NOTHING BETTER.

BUT..you CANNOT HAVE SHAMAL.

HE ITH SPOKED FURRR.

LOL.

__________________________________

POSTSCRIPT:

I mentioned Shamal's brothers.

I don't think they quite know 

what to do with me yet. LOL.

I can't blame them

I also suffer from a 2nd S.A.D.

aka Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Happens twice a year, SPRING AND FALL.

This fall, it started in August rather than October and is NOW just sorta ending.

I think that everything going on with Shamal and the emotional upheaval caused the disorder to focus more on my emotions than usual and BOY did it ever.

I can't control my emotions when S.A.D. 

strikes and I was already emotional 

to start with. 

I think I must have come across as a LOON to Shayan and Jahanzeb and Daniyal. I can't blame them for running for the hills. (They really didn't but...

I would have too, but then I would have just brought me with me and...).

I just hope they will give me a 2nd chance 

now that this seems to be abating.

Spring? I am going to stockpile Vitamin D, AND do FullSpectrum lighting therapy.

MAYBE...that will help,

but until then I hope I can make amends.

They are my brothers-in-law, but beyond that

they are really kewl dudes.

Wish me luck. LOL.